Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Trouble with BigSack

For the past seven months, my sister has revolved her life around her new boyfriend. It bothers me for so many reasons and yet, I don't tell her. I don't know if I don't tell her because I'm scared she will be pissed at me if I tell her the truth, or if I just want to leave her alone in her love bubble.

She is too old to act like this---in her mid twenties, she has an advanced degree and a specialized job. She is a grown woman, yet she overlooks family and lifelong friends to spend time with her boyfriend. An athlete her entire life, she has stopped working out because she says she doesn't have the time to run before going over her boyfriend's after work.

It's not like she is the only woman to have ever done this. At one stage or another, most of us leave our senses behind and abandon friends and family for a boy.

The trouble is, she has done this before and didn't learn her lesson. She did this with another boy and it ended because she suffocated him.

I think it bothers me the most because generally, in life, I am pretty independent. I often crave time alone and enjoy days off reading a good book with no one to bother me. This independence transcends into my relationship with Boy. Yes, we spend a lot of time together, but we also have activities/interests outside of each other. We frequently go out with out each other. I do not need to see him everyday. I like to give him a chance to miss me. I certainly do not skip out on my family to be with him on Holidays.

I just wish the girl would lead her life and find ways to fit her boyfriend into it, not lead her life around her boyfriend. Or, maybe I wish I had the strength to stand up to her and tell her she is acting like a high schooler and needs to act like a grown woman... However, it's likely that neither will happen and I will continue to brood inside until i snap about it.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comment. I hope things get better. I think I sometimes do what your sister does to an extent. She could just be a hopless romantic and just cant stand being apart from her boyfriend. However, I never think its right to ditch friends and family. Maybe you should try adn tell her your concerns in a nice way. After all youre her sister i am sure she would understand.

Tova Darling said...

I know exactly what you mean. My former best friend did this. Found a guy and dropped off of the face of the earth for like two years. Then he broke up with her and she suddenly discovered that she had no friends because we all got sick of being blown off for two years.

Miss Anne said...

She'll grow up.

I think until you realize you can be independently happy, you can't TRULY be happy, ya know? sometimes it takes some girls a while to realize that.

i'm sorry it's hard on you too..

Marketing Gurl said...

Yeah and things will that is what is great about us women. I mean we all know but we do this anyway when it isn't the right person. Love, MG

Tina said...

I've had this happen to me (as we all have) and I did it myself. Fortunately, my friends are as nonconfrontational as I am. What we usually do is find a book or movie that closely relates to the current conversation, and start a conversation around that. Like "can you believe she skipped out on her family's reunion to have lunch with her boyfriend? Why not just bring him along if he's so important?". It opens up dialogue without sounding like you're attacking. So far it's worked for us, even though later we're like 'a-ha!' when we figure it out.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend similar to your sister and sometimes people like that just have to figure everything out on their own :\


Mrs. Stilettos said...

I take it her planned new routine on Christmas did not go over so well, huh??

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

I don't have a sister, but my best friend has always done this. To the point where she is so absorbed in her relationship that she told me how "really, really hard" last Christmas was, because she & her bf had to spend "5 DAYS" apart, and they never had before. Keep in mind, I have never lived closed than an hour away from my bf, and she bitched about this anyway. It's tough, because it almost affects how much you respect the person - but odds are, even if you talk to your sister about it, she won't change. :( Hang in there.