Martha for the Masses

Today I had one of my "Martha for the Masses"/Good Enough Solution experience.

The backing to my earring fell out and I didn't have another one in my coin purse. Instead of being all pouty about my lack of earrings for the day, I sprung into action. Believe it or not, I cut the eraser off of a pencil and am currently using it as my earring backing.

Martha should really hire me to write a book on Workplace solutions to Beauty Problems. Chapter 1: How to use a paper clip in place of a bobby pin.

If only...

Small Victories

Yesterday, I experienced a very small victory on the Fit Train. I, littlesack, did not eat chocolate alll day. Not at all, not even one small m&m or a crumb from a cookie. I'm sure I've done this before. But yesterday I consciously and actively avoided all chocolate. I feel very proud.



I am a lover of all things chocolate. Cheap crappy kind, yup. Rich, dark amazing kind, yup. Body wash that smells like chocolate, yup. (Thank you, Philosophy).

On an everyday basis, its not like I have an IV of chocolate hooked up to me or anything. But, I do believe that a small amount, every day, does a soul good and keeps the mind sane. And by small, I mean like a 100 cal pack of m&ms or 2 bing chocoloate cherries. It's just my small little pick-me-up to fight the afternoon slump.

But yesterday, I was going strong and didn't even need that chocolate. Once I realized how long I had gone without it, I made an effort to avoid it the rest of the day. Woohooooo for me!

Today, however, is a different story...and the m&m packet is calling my name. One day at a time, ladies, one day at a time.

I'm tired...

I'm tired...

of not having a place of my own
of going to school
of being made to feel guilty by my mother for taking personal time because she never does
of Jerk roommate's anxiety, outright aggression, and passive aggression
of feeling so unwelcome and uncomfortable in Boy's home that it makes me sick to my stomach
of only spending time with Boy one or two nights a week
of the lack of quality time and intimacy that only spending one night together leads to
of Boy's brother's poor decisions and personal drama that affects us all
of being slightly out of sorts

but mostly, I'm just tired of waiting for the next phase of my life.
I've always felt like I was just working towards the next thing. In High school, I was working to graduate so I could go to college. In college, I was just working to graduate to get to grad school. Now that I'm in grad school, I'm working so that I can be done with school for awhile, and get a job. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that getting a job will make me feel fulfilled--I know I'll always be working for the next raise, project, or position. But, I just want to feel like I accomplished something-- that all my hard work in school is going to pay off with a decent job.

On the other hand, I know I need to slow down. To enjoy not having a full time job right now, to not have tons of bills and stress, to not worry about a family and a house. But the mounds of homework, the guilt trips, and the lack of personal space and belongings forces me to not enjoy the present situation. It only makes me long for a space all my own.


For a place where I can...

lounge freely without fear of a guilt trip or an angry outburst
lay around in my undies and not feel odd about it
have just a bottle of wine for dinner and 100% enjoy it
lay in bed until noon
skip out on the dishes for a few days
and avoid doing laundry until I run out of underwear


But, none of these things are possible for a little while. I still have at least a year of school left, which means only a part time salary for a year and Boy is in no position to buy his own place. So, until then, I will force myself to deal with the situation, steal personal moments when I can, and in general, put on my big girl panties and deal with it.


But, in the mean time, I'd love your support and thoughts as I attempt to act like an adult...

Update Monday

1. Boy scored major points this weekend by seriously standing up for me to Jerk roommate. When Boy got home from work he talked (maybe yelled) with Jerk about how he handled the situation horribly and personally attacked me. Boy told Jerk that it wasn't acceptable for him to leave me notes like that, threatening me with spending time there, etc. Apparently boy was convincing because I got a voicemail from Jerk apologizing for handling the situation poorly and for leaving such a nasty note. I even got an in-person apology the next day.

So, since its the season for yuletide and good blessings, I will forgive, but I won't forget and this incident will certainly stay in the front of my mind.


2. Thanks for all the comments. I'm glad others have had crappy roommate experiences and can relate. To those that suggested I should have confronted Jerk immediately after I saw the note- you are totally right. But, when i get angry, I don't look pissed, I just cry. And it's very hard to stand up for yourself and say how angry you are, when you are crying like an ten year-old. It's something I really wish I could change.


3. The fact that Boy is paying for two shares of utilities is completely ridiculous and the fact that he let that go without a fight is ridiculous. But- a conversation for another day.


4. Yesterday Boy and I (and about 15 of his good friends from home) went to the Skins- Eagles game. While I'm more of a Ravens gal myself, I do root for the Skins and also love me some Chris Cooley. (Too bad his wife is the hottest thing since sliced bread). For Boy's birthday present I got most of his good friends together to all go to this game. Although very cold, we had a great time tailgating, watching the game, and partying for eight hours. I always enjoy catching up with the girls in that group. Even better- the Skins won in a fourth quarter nail-bitter!

I'd say I'd post pictures, but I don't like to bring my camera to events that involve multiple hours of drinking because I will most likely loose it, so there aren't any. But here is brief summary that you can imagine: Four hours of tailgating in freezing weather, me and Boy wearing about 8 layers of clothes each, Boy failing asleep in the first quarter because of a little too much tailgating fun, and enough wind to send a plate of hot dogs flying!!!


5. It's finally the week of Christmas! WEEEEEE!


6. I'm skipping Not me Monday! for the week---too much drama in the weekend.


7. For those of you that tagged me recently, I promise I haven't forgotten and will get to those posts this week. Look forward to guesting blogging by Cheeto (who was tagged) and an award from Mrs. Stilettos and one from Victoria. (YEAH!)

SO EXCITED!

1. THANK YOU all so much for your support during my hair trauma episode. It means more than you know. really. Love all of you!

2. On to more EXCITING Things...

This past July 4th weekend I went to my first music festival (I told you I was part hippie) at it was AMAZING. I can't say enough good things about it, but in sum, it was one of the best vacations I've ever had. I'll give you the annotated story of the trip.

If you don't know what a music festival is, here is a brief summary-

Basically a bunch of people (like 10,000) camp out for four or five days and drink and party all day and night. There are generally over 100+ bands over the four or five days to see and some trippy side events as well.

So, I saw an add on line last winter for Rothbury- a concert featuring Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, and even B's favorite band The Disco Biscuits (plus a hundred or so others). I was immediately hooked because I LOVE ME some Dave! So, I convinced B (a music festival veteran) to go and over the next few months the line up got even better. I'd list all the bands I loved, but that may be boring to some of you!

The festival was in Michigan and we live on the East coast. So, B and I packed our camping gear up and drove all night and headed out to Michigan where the land is flat and the air is beautifully clean. We met one of his best friends out there who currently lives in Colorado. We set up our camp site (beer pong table and easy up included) and got to drinking! And the next five days could never have been better. I still can't put words into how awesome the whole trip was, especially the Dave concert. B and I stood really close to the stage and danced the whole time. Those few hours, were by far, the best hours of my life. Dave was AMAZING, the crowd was crazy and it was just ALL FUN. After the show I used words like "shredded his guitar" and those are words I never ever use. That, is how good it was. After we got back I downloaded the soundboard from the show and put it on my ipod. When I run to those songs, I get so happy I can barely keep myself from dancing. (Sometimes I play "air drum" while running, which probably looks more like "air seizure").

Although Dave was certainly the highlight, the whole thing was amazing. I saw some great bands that I'd never seen before. I took over 500 pictures on the trip of some of the craziest things i have ever seen. (My old icon--of that odd pumpkin thing, was from Rothbury, and was only one of many very odd sights).

Anyways, the site for Rothbury 2009 has been under construction for the past few weeks and I am addicted to checking it daily- crazy hungry for the lineup for this year. This is all the sight says now. AHHHHHH! I can't even contain my excitement for what this year is going to bring.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like a kid at Christmas (hm, that seems appropriate?) Maybe, for this Christmas, I want Rothbury to list their line up for this year!

The itch

No, not the seven year itch, or even the chicken pox itch. This itch is hard to describe, difficult to define, and yet most women know what it is.

It is the feeling you get when you are settled in the current stage of your life and yearn for the next thing. It occurs out of nowhere when you are shopping in the mall and see a beautiful young mother with her adorably dressed and pigtailed daughter and all you want to do is scoop that little girl up and carry her home with you. For the next few hours, days, or even weeks, all you can think about is baby; wanting a baby, preparing for a baby; decorating the baby's room. You get the idea.

For me, the itch is the wedding itch, (and although I am dating someone I love dearly, we are certainly not engaged or close to being married). It ebbs and flows (probably in a cycle very similar to the one brought on by mother nature- but that is neither here nor there). Sometimes the itch overtakes my brain and I can't focus on anything else. The moment my best gal pal's wedding pictures went up online, I spent the next two hours hungrily looking through all 1,987 of them. I was unstoppable. I often get so itchy that I spend hours searching for my perfect wedding dress, the perfect location, the perfect season, and the perfect bridesmaids dresses. This isn't like a casual search online, this is an incessant desire to find the PERFECT things.

I haven't had the itch in a while. I've been making every effort to push all things wedding out of my brain for fear of seeming like a lunatic. It tends to be odd when you are looking at engagement rings on line and a coworker asks if you are getting married soon, and you have to say, "uh, no." Rumors spread about your sanity. So for the past few months, I've kept my itch contained.

So ladies, have you ever had the itch like this? Or done something slightly crazy when it struck you?

girl or woman?

I always wondered at what point I would feel like a woman, not a young lady, or a girl. I thought that gradually over the years I would make decisions that would take me farther away from girlhood and closer to womanhood. Part of me still exists in both worlds. I cry like a girl, am insecure like a girl, and still sneak peanut butter m&ms. But I also love like a woman, stand up for myself and my beliefs like a woman, and mail my own Christmas cards (something I have always associated with adulthood).

And on Thanksgiving I took one definite step away from girlhood and towards womanhood. It was after Thanksgiving dinner and everyone was sitting back to digest. I stood up, collected the plates, and went into the kitchen to do the dishes without a thought in the world. My mother had cooked all day, I certainly wasn’t going to let her clean. So there I was, for the next hour, washing dishes, while my aunts dried them, gossiping about life.

In years past I would grudgingly go help my aunts and mother clean up. But this year, I was leading the clean up, with my aunts helping me, with no grudge. It just seemed like what I should do.

This revelation may seem trivial, but to me, I really felt like I had taken one step toward being a “grown up.”

showering thoughts

While conditioning my hair this morning, I had a thought. Time really does just fly by and if you don’t stop to savor it, it truly will pass you by. And in order to savor it- you have to plan it. Recently I was in a bar and was surprised by the appearance of my best friend, a girl I hadn’t seen in over two months! My shock at seeing her, combined with my beer tears, led to an emotional hug (at least on my end).

But how does that happen? How did my life go from spending hours with this gal pal everyday to not seeing her for over two months!? I was upset with myself for letting that time slip away- for not planning to see her.

That whole experience is just the first step of me realizing what thousands have before me: that post-graduation life is starkly different from the college days. Living next door and down the street from your best friends is incomparable in experience. You just knew that Friday nights would be spent together making debauchery at the bar, and that Wednesday nights were for wine and “Lost”. Nothing was planned, it just was the way it was.

It’s this doing, yet not planning, that i truly miss.

As I navigate this new lifestyle, I’m sure I’ll come across some other revelations as well. I just hope that I plan them into my work week, or I might pass them by.