Please don't judge me...

I am in the middle of a temper tantrum and am defining the rest of this post as the "judge free zone." (If after reading you want to tell me to read during this time, please don't...I work and am in graduate school- I read enough and for the hour of free time I have each night I like to spend it doing something mind numbing like tv. Don't judge me).


As I've mentioned before, I moved home after graduation to have a free place to stay during grad school. As I've also mentioned before my mother is bat shit crazy and drives me out of my mind. I do not feel like my home is "home" and never feel like I have a place to myself (especially when my mother likes to snoop through my room for things- This is a entirely different story for another day, the fact that my mother feels she has the right to snoop through her adult daughter's room is something I DO NOT understand). Anyways...

I don't watch much TV at all, but during college I had a TV in my dorm room and I grew addicted to watching it at certain times. In the morning while getting ready, I need the Today show. At night, I need it on to fall asleep. On the weekends, I like to watch it when I first get up in the morning, while still laying in bed.

Because I don't feel like I have any space of my own, lately I've taken to watching some TV in my room for an hour or so before bedtime. I look forward to that solitude and cherish it.

Today...My parents switched cabele providers and being bat shit crazy as she is, my mom did not order a cable box for my room. As of 9:13 Wednesday evening, I do not have television in my room.

I might cry. I know I sound like a spoiled 12 year old, but this is really bothering me. I can not fall asleep without the TV on, unless I've taken 2 Tylenol pm and a bottle of wine, and that isn't a habit I want to start. I'm just annoyed that my only saving grace- that hour of down/TV time before bed is gone. Like, right now, its 9:20, the perfect time to snuggle up in bed and watch something on the tube and then set my sleep timer to 40 minutes and fall asleep. But, now, I will get in bed and stare at the ceiling in absolute silence until I can't bare it anymore, go downstairs to fall asleep on the couch while watching TV, and then wake up at some obscene hour only to climb back upstairs to go to bed.

UGH!