Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It's Becoming A Pattern

Bigsack's behavior, that is.

To me, Holidays are about family and I am lucky enough to have a pretty big family to spend those holidays with. My family may drive me out of my skull and make me wish I had some Xanex and a bottle of wine, but they are family and I love them regardless.
I understand that some have made their own families with great friends and not necessarily "relatives," but whatever you define as family, is family.

Anyways, boyfriends are not family.

I love Boy, but right now he is still Boy and not Husband, and therefore not family. I know he feels the same way about me. Being with him on Holidays would be nice, but neither of us are willing to give up our family holidays. And we are both perfectly content with this arrangement.

Bigsack, on the other hand, has a completely different view of things. As I've written about (many times) before, she has wrapped her life around her boyfriend, Paul.

Since Thanksgiving, this has been the pattern:
On Holidays, Bigsack and her boyfriend, will spend some time with my family, and moments after eating, get up to go spend the rest of the day with Paul's family. I continue to not understand why they have to do this. I like Paul a lot, I think he is level headed and good for my sister, so it isn't about him at all. But I fail to understand: Why can't Paul spend the day with his family and Bigsack spend the day with our family? Why do they have to rush through spending time at both places? Why do they have to do EVERYTHING together.

This pattern...it's driving me bananas and I know I have written about it before. So, next Thanksgiving, please remind me to have the strength to ask my sister WHY she has to rush through Holidays like this, just so the entire day can be spent with Paul.


KLC said...

People have different definitions of "family". I consider my boyfriend to be "family", because I know we are on the track to getting married. I don't think that you start to be a "family" with your significant other on your wedding day, I think it's a process that happens over time.

While I respect the fact that you choose to spend your holidays with your family and your family alone, I think you should respect the fact that your sister wants to spend her holidays with everyone she loves... and that includes her boyfriend and his family. As long as he treats her well, and they are both making time for both families and not simply picking his over yours... I think it's ok.

That's just my opinion!

Lucky in Love said...

I can see your frustration...seeing as you have chosen a completely different way of looking at things than your sister has...but I must admit...before my husband am I were married (and now) we do the same thing.

The holidays, to us, are a time to share with your loved ones...and this included each other. We made time for both of our families (usually on different days...so Thanksgiving would be spent with my family...and then maybe that Saturday would be with his) but it was important for our relationship to make those bonds with each others' families...and what better time to do that than the holidays when everyone is around.

I hope you two and find a common ground...but I'm glad that you and your boyfriend are on the same page.

Mrs. Potts said...

Hard one to call. Mr. Potts and I spent holidays apart when we first started dating. We had one where I flew up 2 days after Christmas. At the time we realized we were going to eventually get married, we began splitting up our holidays. We thought it would be easier to start the holiday tradition sooner rather than later.

When we set our wedding date, we realized it was smart of us to have done that since our first holiday after our wedding was Thanksgiving and we spent it with my mom. It worked out for us, thankfully.

I can see where it would be frustrating for you since you and Boy have a pattern that works for you. I'll remind you at Thanksgiving to hold your tongue. :)

Lucky in Love said...

Okay...she's living with them!! Yep..that puts a whole new spin on things :) I just think that couples should try as hard as they can to spend equal time with both families. My husband's parents and my parents live in the same town (we live 5 hours away) so when we come home...we try to split it up...but it is really hard. I always feel bad leaving my house...because I miss my family...but when I'm there I'm thinking about how much his parents want to see him. Sometimes we split up for awhile...which I think is good. But we're always together for the big stuff.

Newport Nuptials said...

I get what your saying, I always had that view prior to Mr. Newport, but now he's family too, and this was prior to our engagement.

We want to spend time with both families so we do the rush thing, because we love everyone and want to see everyone.

Trust me, it's probably even more frustrating for her.

I love both of our families and want to see everyone, but I always wish it were easier and wwe could relax and really enjoy a whole day in one place.

Kim said...

I understand where you're coming from but I did the same thing that your sister did. When me and my husband were dating we did the split holidays every year. Except the first Thanksgiving. That year he went to his family's and I went to mine. It was horrible. I spent the whole day wishing we were celebrating together instead of apart. From then on we did holidays together and just a little bit more rushed with each family. I have to say that I considered him family even before we tied the know and I wanted to spend the holidays with all of my family instead of just part of it. In the same sense I considered his family part of my family as well and vice versa with him. I think you just have to do what works for you as a couple. Yes, the holidays are rushed when your jumping between two houses, but if that makes the holidays better for them as a couple than so be it.

Although now that my sister is doing the same thing with her boyfriend, I do find myself becoming irritated when they rush off to his family's house. lol

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

Ugh. You know how I feel about this. Is there any chance that, if you DO say something, she will consider it without being mad at you?

Saskia said...

While I can understand your sister wanting to spend the special holidays with her boyfriend I do think it's a shame they rush about and leave almost straight after the meal to go to his family's home. I think you should try and talk to her - is she normally understanding when you talk about things like that?