To my Fellow Gold's Gym Members:

Dear Gym members,
Most of you follow proper gym etiquette and we have little do with each other besides a small smile as we both walk into the gym at an un-Godly hour. I appreciate this. However, to the few that need a refresher on gym etiquette, please see my letter below.

To the gym bunnys,
Yes, your body is rocking. Your six pack is nice and your legs are perfectly toned. And, if we are being perfectly honest, yes I am a little jealous that your whole body probably weighs the same as my left leg. That being said, we could all still tell that your body is rocking when you wear normal workout gear. There is no need for spandex shorts and a sports bra (with regular bra underneath) that you wear every-single-time you are at the gym. One, there is no need for the regular bra under the sports bra look- cleavage in a sports bra is defeating the purpose of keeping those suckers down. Secondly, It's not that hot at in the gym---no need for the sports bra only look. By wearing just that--you are clearly saying, "Look at me while I work out."

And if you feel that the gym is hot, (which I doubt because I've never seen you sweat) I bet putting your hair in a pony-tail instead of curling it and wearing it down would help keep you a little cooler. Just a tip from me to you. Finally, that make up that you put on to come to the gym is totally unnecessary too. We are here to sweat, not scope out men. Judging by that huge rock on your left ring finger, I'm pretty sure you are married and although you are clearly trying to attract attention, you probably shouldn't be. If you aren't getting what you need out of your marriage and need to seek validation for your looks at the gym, well, sister, that is an entirely different conversation.

And the next time you shoot me the stink eye while I am doing my wide leg squats to try and slim down my thighs, I will pick up the 10 pound dumb bell and hurl it at your face.


****
To the old man who thinks he can enter the "womens only" section:
Sir. Apparently you aren't getting the evil glances I shoot at you every time you do this. I know you aren't illiterate and can read that huge sign that says "Ladies Golds." We ladies specifically work out in this section to avoid creepers like you who make us feel uncomforatble while working out. (Yes, men, we do see you checking out our asses while doing our 1000th squat).

I assume you are simply lazy (which is weird since you are really musclar- as I can tell by your entirely too tight t-shirt). Since you can't seem to walk the 30 feet to the other equipment to find the specific weight you need, you think it is ok to prance into the women's section, pick out the weight you want, and prance out. This, my friend, is not ok.
One, it's women only for a reason. We like it this way. Get out.
Two, it's pretty screwed up to take our equipment out of the room because you are too lazy to find it elsewhere.
Third, if you ever have the balls to correct my form on something, like I've seen you do to other women before, I will not resist throwing that ten pound dumbbell you took from the women's section directly at your face.

Ask a gym bunny, she'll tell you.

Thanks to the both of you for your attention in this matter. Really appreciate your cooperation.

Love,
Littlesack.