Monday, August 31, 2009

Waterproof Mascara

I own one tube of waterproof mascara. And use it only for high-crying probability events. Weddings, greeting new babies, graduation, funerals.

This summer, my waterproof mascara has been used far too many times. And not, for the happy crying events- like weddings and babies. Unfortunately, its been for the bad events- the funerals and hospital visits.

As I'm sure most of you know, Boy's older brother died earlier this summer. About a week after that, I found out that my Aunt Kathy's health went severely downhill. She had pretty advanced central nervous system/brain cancer. They started her on chemo, but the chemo caused her brain to swell, which caused her to have seizures. She was put into a coma to control the seizures; that was too weeks ago. She never woke up from the coma, and today, she passed on.

Today, I heard my father cry on the phone. I have never, ever, witnessed him crying. It was painful.

Throughout these past few weeks, I told Boy very little. He'd been through so much, I couldn't burden him with my tears. I am still hesitant to ask him to come to the funeral. I'm strong enough to do this on my own--should I ask him to come along after just loosing his brother. He is one of the strongest people I know, but would this bring up painful memories? I also haven't written about it all on here. I had already asked for so many prayers for Boy and his family, I felt I'd used up my allotment.

So, this has been my summer...Tough and depressing and consisting of loosing two people who were very close to me. I start my last semester of grad school on Wednesday. I imagine it going like this, "Hi, Im littlesack. I'm on the education track in the public policy program. This past summer...I went to two funerals and learned that holding up your boyfriend during his brother's funeral is immensely painful."

I need a Xanex.


Whitney said...

Oh sweet girl, I wish I could just hug you right now! I hate that you haven't been able to enjoy your summer and I hate that you've lost two people that meant a lot to you! Please always bring anything you need to the blog. Blog friends are good for sending up prayers and good thoughts while your friends who are near to you can comfort you! I'm praying for you and your family. I've never heard my dad cry, but I can imagine I would crumble into pieces if I did! I'm sorry you had to experience that! Let me know if you need anything!

Marlene said...

I'm so sorry for all you and your loved ones have gone through this summer. It doesn't seem fair. There's no such thing as "using up" your requests for good thoughts and prayers, so ask away. I'm keeping you all in mine.


Lucky in Love said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you have had such a rough summer of loss. We are definitely all here for you though and sending lots of prayers your way.

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

You have my prayers, and I think you should tell Boy what is going on and that you always love having him involved in your life, but these are extenuating circumstances and he can decide about the funeral. You don't want to make him feel distanced from you by not asking him to the funeral, but you don't want to burden him. Just tell him that & trust him to decide. You know you love each other, and that is all that counts, because nothing is actually going to make all this pain easier except for time.

Yankee Girl said...

First of all, you will never be able to use up your allotment of happy thoughts and prayers. Those never run out.

Second, I agree with Pink Pearls. Boy may really want to be there for you and it may actually help him if he could.

I am so sorry you have been having such a rough time. I will hope and pray that you do not need to use any more of that waterproof mascara after this funeral.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear how tough your summer has been, it really puts things in perspective. I agree with another comment, I think you should tell your boyfriend what is going on. As much as he is suffering, you are suffering too and relationships are about leaning on each other in times of need. I would tell him what happened and leave the choice up to him, emphasize that you understand and are totally fine going on your own. My thoughts are with you and just know that things will get better from here - the healing can start to begin.

KatieGirlBlue said...

Sending warmest thoughts and wishes.

Landlocked Mermaid said...

oh you sweet sweet girl... hugs. and more hugs. This is hard it really is.. I am glad you have your family and the boy. You need each other now. Sending prayers and hugs. This was a beautifully written post xo

prashant said...

I'm sorry you had to experience that! Let me know if you need anything!

Work from home