4:36

...Is my watch time for my VERY FIRST MARATHON! (my chip time is 4:38, either way, I am beyond thrilled). So, let me tell you all about it! (My Garmin, Garry, with my time)

So, I've been talking about it for months and training really hard for the past 18 weeks. I didn't miss a single workout and made a serious commitment.

I'll skip everything boring like, breakfast, the light rail ride, etc. I arrived at the Running Festival around 7:20 with my sister (running in the relay) and my mom (spectating). Temperature was in the 70s, but it was expected to drop throughout the morning.

I used the bathroom and met with my Geico Pace Group (4:30) around 7:50. It was very, very crowded and I could barely hear our pace leader giving us instructions. The confetti gun went off and the lead racers started off and a few minutes later I crossed the starting line. I had already lost the pace group! I expected them to be wearing crazy hats and carrying signs, but, they didn't do anything like that- so they weren't easy to find. Anyways, I figured once the first few miles thinned out I would find the pace group again. Not so much.

Within the first mile I saw another girl (Melissa) from my pace group and asked if she minded if I ran with her until we found the pace group. No problem. So, we trotted along together, briefly chatting and passed the first 4 miles without much excitement. Around mile 4 she picked up her pace a lot and I decided I couldn't go that fast. Then, about two miles later, she ran up from behind me! She had stopped for a long water break when I must have passed her.

So, we trotted along again. Both sorta bitching about the Pace Group thing. We had both counted on the camaraderie and encouragement from that group to get us through our first marathons. I talked about my race plan- break it into 2 ten mile runs and a 6 mile run. She liked that plan.

Around mile 10 we saw my Mom in the crowd and celebrated the end of the first ten mile run. We saw a guy dressed like Will Ferrel from the "cowbell" SNL skit- banging away on a cowbell.

At mile 13, we saw my mom again- blowing on a kazoo of all things! And celebrated being halfway done! My friends were going to be at mile 16, so we concentrated on getting to 16 miles. Along the way, we talked about everying- our lives, work, husbands and boyfriends, past races, other runners' choices to wear white spandex shorts.

At 16 we stopped to pee and saw my friends, drinking beer!! along the side of the road. It was a nice little boost. Our next goal was to get to 20, get to 20 and we can do the rest. It was all about mile 20. There were A LOT of hills (we both knew this going into it) and I think I managed them really well, but they were killer on my butt and thighs. I think this was the toughest part of the marathon. I wasn't in a lot of pain and mentally I was doing really well, but I just really wanted to get to mile 20! A guy dressed in a tiger suit dancing to "eye of the tiger" was great!

Unexpectedly, around mile 18 (I think) I heard my name (I had my name on my shirt so that was pretty common), but I recognized the voice. I looked up to see my best friend cheering and jumping up and down for me! I was so excited to see her..and it gave me a nice boost.

MILE 20! It was a fabulous sight. We cheered. SIX MORE MILES. We can run six miles, done it a million times before. We counted down each mile, each was one step closer to the end. We were both doing something we had never done before and it was amazing. Our spirits were really high.

I ran mile 25 for Boy- he said he wanted that mile. So it was, get to 25 for Boy...that was my mantra. Then, at 25, there is only one more mile to go!! It was crazy that we had made it. We saw the mile 25 sign and we both took off (well, it felt like we were flying, but we were running as fast as we possibly could!). We were passing so many people. The last quarter mile of the run
is through Camden yards and the Ravens parking lots and it's really really cool.

Just keep running was all I could think. I saw my mom again (and the kazoo), Melissa saw her husband and daughter. 26 miles came! .2 more. I sware I was sprinting. We crossed the finish line, smiling and hands in the air! I heard my name again and looked to the left. And there was my dad, standing right at the finish line, smiling and waving. I have never been so excited to see him! He yelled something about being so proud of me. I must have had the biggest smile on my face. I didn't think he was going to be able to sneak out of work to come, and there he was, at the very end. It's a moment I'll never forget.

Melissa and I walked through and got our medals and space sheets. And then, it was over. Here was a girl that had just helped me through my first marathon. Her company had meant the world to me. She said, "I'll never forget you." and I said the same, and she went to meet her husband. I really will never forget Melissa. She was the perfect running partner for my first marathon and I am very grateful that I found her!

My watch said 4:36 and I couldn't have been happier. My first goal was to finish and enjoy myself, my second goal was finishing under 5 hours, and my best case goal was to finish near 4:30. And I achieved it! All those lonely long runs and planning to run a marathon without anyone else had paid off. I am a 4:36 marathoner! I could not be happier with myself.

I felt fantastic afterwards. Of course my legs were sore, but it wasn't terrible and I felt really good. I found my sister and eventually my mom and we headed home. Ice bath, lunch, nap. Woke up and couldn't move!!! I am in so much pain. Stairs are impossible, I sware my butt muscles are going to tear. something is strained in my left foot. But, so, totally and completely, worth it. I'm wearing my medal right now and think I'll wear it to work. I'm getting a massage tomorrow and hopefully that'll help, but honestly, it doesn't matter. The feeling of finishing that marathon and being able to proclaim that I am a marathoner is the best feeling I have felt in a really long time. I will be running another. Just, maybe one with less hills.

Now, all I need is a 26.2 sticker to put on my car!

a picture of me and my sister before the Marathon. I'm on the left (with my name on my shirt)

Me, after the race, with my medal, looking like, well, like I just ran a marathon!

Marathon in EXACTLY one month!

In exactly one month from today, I will running in the Baltimore Marathon! I can hardly believe its this close! I feel like I've been training forever.
In two weeks I run my longest--20 miles, and then I start to taper. So far the experience has been more enjoyable than I thought it would be.

Begin 30 day countdown!

In other news, thanks for all your kind words, prayers, and thoughts last week. Things worked out well with Boy. I told him I would like him to come, but if he couldn't, I completely understood. Thankfully, he was able to be by my side during those rough days and come to the viewing with me. Those days went as well as they can go, I suppose. I guess its just a matter of moving forward now, one day at a time.

I promise I have more to write about life, in general, its just been a busy few weeks(months?) Hope all is well.

Waterproof Mascara

I own one tube of waterproof mascara. And use it only for high-crying probability events. Weddings, greeting new babies, graduation, funerals.

This summer, my waterproof mascara has been used far too many times. And not, for the happy crying events- like weddings and babies. Unfortunately, its been for the bad events- the funerals and hospital visits.

As I'm sure most of you know, Boy's older brother died earlier this summer. About a week after that, I found out that my Aunt Kathy's health went severely downhill. She had pretty advanced central nervous system/brain cancer. They started her on chemo, but the chemo caused her brain to swell, which caused her to have seizures. She was put into a coma to control the seizures; that was too weeks ago. She never woke up from the coma, and today, she passed on.

Today, I heard my father cry on the phone. I have never, ever, witnessed him crying. It was painful.

Throughout these past few weeks, I told Boy very little. He'd been through so much, I couldn't burden him with my tears. I am still hesitant to ask him to come to the funeral. I'm strong enough to do this on my own--should I ask him to come along after just loosing his brother. He is one of the strongest people I know, but would this bring up painful memories? I also haven't written about it all on here. I had already asked for so many prayers for Boy and his family, I felt I'd used up my allotment.

So, this has been my summer...Tough and depressing and consisting of loosing two people who were very close to me. I start my last semester of grad school on Wednesday. I imagine it going like this, "Hi, Im littlesack. I'm on the education track in the public policy program. This past summer...I went to two funerals and learned that holding up your boyfriend during his brother's funeral is immensely painful."

I need a Xanex.

Time again for Not Me! Monday.

In case you haven't been introduced to Not Me! Monday, yet, here are a few details. This fun game originated with MckMama. Here are the rules to playing, but in sum, you just list a lot of things you "didn't" (read: actually did) do this weekend/past week. All in the name of admitting that we all make mistakes and aren't perfect.

Saturday, during my long run, I certainly did not, stop running, duck behind a cluster of trees, and use the bathroom (#2 bathroom!!). This was not right next to some kids' blunt wraps and empty beer cans. It was not a complete emergency and waiting until the trail stop was totally not possible!!

Okay...That's all for the week. Although there are certainly more, nothing!! lives up to having to make an emergency pit stop in the woods during a two hour run. (I once read an article about runners embarrassing moments, and one of them said - if you've never taken a poop on a run, you aren't a real runner, well---guess I passed that threshold!)

What didn't you do this past week?

Not Me! Monday

It's been a looooonnnnngggg time since I did a "Not Me! Monday" and believe me, I have a lot saved up.

In case you haven't been introduced to Not Me! Monday, yet, here are a few details. This fun game originated with MckMama. Here are the rules to playing, but in sum, you just list a lot of things you "didn't" (read: actually did) do this weekend/past week. All in the name of admitting that we all make mistakes and aren't perfect.

So, here we go....

I clearly did not have a colossal freak out at work on what happened to be Douch Bag Wednesday (less formerly known as DB-dub) when the following happened... First, my boss hung up his phone in the middle of a teleconference simply because he did not want to hear what we were telling him. An hour later, he called me to tell me that our consultant emailed him to state that "my work was subpar and I was compromising the project." My response was that the consultant could take over the task himself, since clearly he did not like the way I was doing it. My boss did not tell me that I was being unprofessional. You want to talk about unprofessionalim?!?!?!?!!?! How about that meeting you just hung up on or the way you nasty-gramed me this morning. Neither of which are "professional." It did not take every fiber of my being for me to not tell my boss to shove his hippocratic, self-entitled, douchebag ways.

I didnot soothe myself with hershey kisses and chocolate covered raisins. I would never ever use chocolate to make myself feel better.

Over the past month or so, I have certainly not peed outside on more than half a dozen occasions. It has certainly not become common for me to stop mid run, hide behind a tree, drop trough, and continue jogging like that was totally normal.

I did not give my cat a bath. I do not have multiple scratches from this experience. I do not blame my mother.

I did not take a mental health day and then a mental health morning from work. Getting out of bed to get to that job is not becoming more difficult by the day.

I am not typing this post while sitting in my undies & sipping a glass a wine. I am not relishing having the house 100% to myself (besides my cat).

I did not spend 40 dollars on an alpaca fur teddy bear. It was not totally self indulgent but totally worth it. (I certainly couldn't have used that money for some new work pants that actually fit me).

I have not shopped at Target at least twice a week for the last month. I certainly do not know why I keep going back- except that a store that sells 20 dollar shoes and bags of hershey kisses in the same place totally gets me.

I did not wear a white dress to a Mother-to-be-Tea thinking it would be an excellent idea. I did not spill tea all over it.

Boy and I did not have the best time with Caleb at the zoo! I did not totally enjoy playing family for the day. And did not seriously consider taking him home with us.(a pic of Boy and Caleb feeding the ducks--except I didn't get any ducks in the picture--ill have to work on that!)

I have not totally and completely missed blogging and all of my blog ladies. and I do not promise to catch up on everything soon.

Something to giggle about...

Because even in the midst of some really bad days, everyone needs something to laugh about. Last week, a woman I work with sent out this gem of an e-mail.

"Hi everyone:

I lost a medela breast pump in the office last Friday, most likely in the Suite 310 kitchen. If you happen to see it, can you let me know

Thanks in advance"

The boys that sit next to me thought this was too-die-for funny. We all laughed about it for hours afterward. No, breast pumps aren't funny, but asking the ENTIRE company if anyone had found your breast pump that you left IN THE KITCHEN, is pretty funny.

And, how do you loose a breast pump? Aren't those things back-packed sized? Maybe we are all a little immature, but this made my day last week.

**On another note, thank you all so very, very much for your kind thoughts, prayers and words in these last few weeks. I was very hesitant at first to share this part of my life and considered abandoning the blog, but I'm glad I didn't. In a very needy time, you all were there like rocks--offering advice and unconditional love (and to a girl whose first name you don't even know). So, thank you all, so much; you are all strong lovely ladies and I am so grateful that I have been able to develop friendships with you all. I promise my blog will get back to its normal, snarky and self-indulgent ways soon.

Happy weekend.

Love, littlesack

Caleb

So, left in wake of Eric...is his three year old son, Caleb.

(an older picture of the little Ham)

An adorable, playful kid that has the most gorgeous eyelashes I've ever seen and an infectious personality.

His mother is one of the craziest people I have ever met in my life, and on numerous occassions has corned me in bathrooms to seek answers out about Boy, Eric, and family, and how things are when Eric has(had?) Caleb. (Eric and the mother weren't together after awhile)

She was very young when she got involved with Eric and very young to be a mother, and I just don't think she had the time to mature into a woman with adult sensibilities before Caleb came along and she hasn't grown up since. But, she is his mother, so I am just praying that she figures it out sooner, rather than later. I think I've written about it before, that if Boy and I were financially stable we would seriously consider adopting Caleb, but...that just won't work at the moment.

Boy is Caleb's godfather and although Boy isn't very religious, I know he takes this role--of raising Caleb with morals and values, very seriously. I also know that he is heartbroken that Eric won't be around to do the "dad" things--- camping trips, Boy Scouts, teaching him to play lacrosse, etc. Boy plans to do these things with Caleb.

We currently live about an hour from Boy's parents and Caleb. We've been house hunting for the past few months, but our area is so wide (and our budget so low) that it's really frustrating. I graduate from my program in December and hopefully I'll be able to find a full-time job. Once we know where I am going to be working, I think we will resume the house hunt. But now, a major priority for us is to move closer to Caleb. Even a half an hour closer would make things a lot easier. But--I don't know. It's difficult to talk these details with Boy and, well, it's just difficult.

We are going back to visit Caleb this weekend. It will be the first time we've seen him since his mother told Caleb about Eric (speaking of...she told Boy the day before that they were telling Caleb last Saturday, and he had to work. It pisses me off that if she really wanted Boy to be there---she should have given him more than one days notice). I think it's going to be horrible. but...it leads me to my current predicament. I don't know what to do to entertain a three-year-old. I'm not a mother and, well, honestly, I just have no idea what is age-appropriate yet fun? Any help? I know a lot of you are mothers and aunts, and any suggestions about how to spend the day with a three-year-old would be really appreciated.

Thanks, ladies.